Talking Dogs

On vacation I read a really fun book—Walking in Circles Before Lying Down by Merrill Markoe, who was the original head writer for Late Night with David Letterman. (And, who, no matter what else she accomplishes in life, will forever be fondly known as the creator of “Stupid Pet Tricks.” )

We’ve all heard of Chick Lit and then Hen Lit and even Lad Lit, but I think this would be the first ever example of Dog Lit. If you have ever looked at your dog and said, “I sure wish he could talk,” this book is for you.

The Story: Dawn, a kind of a lovable loser protagonist, gets dumped by her latest boyfriend-from-Hell. After having two shots of Scotch (at 7 in the morning) Dawn suddenly discovers that she can hear her dog, Chuck, talking. And, Oh, The Things He Can Think!

Fun and funny and still a teeny bit literary (which means it makes you think) on the side….

I quickly fell in love with Dawn and Chuck and the other dogs from Dawn’s Doggie Daycare job. (The other humans, not so much.)

A few highlights of Chuck’s view of the world:

On Peeing:

“Well, there’s two kind of peeing,” he said. “There’s regular peeing, because you have to pee. And then there’s auxiliary competitive peeing. For acquiring and empire. I’m all about the real estate.”

On Intimate Relationships (Sex)—a conversation between Dawn, Chuck, and Johnny Depp (another dog—this story takes place in L.A.)

Chuck: What’s the population of Los Angeles, for God’s sake?

Dawn: I think it’s about four million.

Chuck: At least half of them would do it with you.

Dawn: It’s different for me than for you. You don’t seem to have any standards. But as a woman…it’s my goal to have sex only with guys I love.

Chuck: That’s just stupid. Had a look around at the rest of the animal kingdom lately? I’ll have sex with anyone who doesn’t try to kill me.

Johnny Depp: And, even then, as long as their butt smells good, I’m in.

On Instincts:

“I’m the one in touch with that little thing called instincts. That’s all dogs have. No one ever accused us of being too cerebral or praised our contributions to the arts.”

Amen!

In the next day or two I am going to attempt to telepathically connect to Dog to see what he has to say. Stay tuned....