Dog Would Make a Great Poker Player

I’ve never played poker much myself. But I understand the key to winning the game is mastering the ability to bluff.

To win this game of stakes, you must be able to look your opponent in the eye, and, whatever your hand is, make them think you are wiling to risk it all for the ultimate payoff.

Such it is with Dog and Food.

No secret that Dog is a little on the hefty side these days. I prefer to think of him as “big-boned,” and since I walk him two miles a day, he is very fit and we all know that muscle weighs more than fat, right?

Remember, back in the day, when there were three sizes of pants for boys—Slim, Regular, and Husky? Dog is definitely a size “husky.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

So the problem is that with four of us humans in the house, in one day, we might have as many as a dozen separate meals or snacks, and Dog is front and center at every single one, begging for a bite. I have made it a rule not to feed him from the table, but others in the family

are not as strong-willed.

Back when he was a puppy, he would only eat his dog food when we mixed in “a little something extra”—like egg yolk, chicken or cheese. Can we say, “bad habit?”

I know that some (most) dog-owners give their pets (unadorned) food a couple of times a day. They wait for them to eat or not. Then, after some reasonable amount of time, they take the food away, figuring if the dog is not hungry then, he’ll be hungry for the next meal. I think that is what “The Dog Whisperer” would recommend.

But, I just don’t have the heart. I think one of the worst feelings in the world is to be hungry. And, maybe I have a weird metabolism, but I can be fine one minute and famished the next. Luckily, I don’t have to have lunch at noon, when someone else thinks I should, but I can eat whenever I want. And I’d like Dog to have the same freedom.

Within reason.

Because I can conceivably control myself—except possibly when sour cream cheddar potato chips or onion rings are involved. But we all know that if you put a pile of infinite Filet Mignon in front of Dog, he would literally eat himself to death.

So, my new plan is to feed dog three times a day—when I eat. At breakfast, he gets kibble and a couple of shreds of cheese, At dinner, he may get carrots and a bit of chicken mixed with the dry dog food, But at lunch, it's kibble a la carte. No sauces, veggies or protein embellishments. That way, if he is truly hungry, he can eat. But if he is looking only to satisfy his epicurean delights, instead of his animal hunger, desire vs. need, he can wait for dinner. Like I can always eat carrots and celery instead of a cheeseburger.

But Dog is no fool. He knows exactly how to play his cards.

When I pour the dry food into his bowl, he looks at it. Then looks at me.

Then he glances up at the nice pan-roasted turkey and Swiss cheese on whole wheat bread that is my lunch. Then he sits ever so nicely at my feet and doesn’t beg or whine. He just looks at me with those hopeful eyes. “Won’t you please spare a bit for a poor ol’ dog?”

I am resolute. And without (much) guilt. He has food in his bowl. If he’s hungry, he can eat.

(A side note: My mother completely spoiled our family dog, Goofus. She would make him bacon and “Steak-ums” and scramble eggs and fry ground beef especially for him. He rarely got walked, but, oh, how he was fed! This was before we had ever heard the word, “cholesterol,” but I’m sure Goofus’ was through the roof. No matter, Goofus lived 14 years. My mother still laments feeding him all those bad things and fears that she inadvertently shortened his life. And I say, “If you had to choose to live 14 years with bacon or 15 years without, which would you choose?” And I think the answer is pretty obvious.)

So, Dog looks up at me longingly, pitifully, as if he is at my mercy with a pair of deuces when he knows there is a big pot to be won if he plays his cards right.

But I'm the better player. I don't flinch.

When he realizes that it is “game over,” that I have called his bluff, he retreats to his bowl of kibble and eats his spoils.