Women and Dogs Who Love Too Much: Part 2

I actually think I could teach Dog the word “Sunday” and he would get it. But that doesn’t solve my bigger problem. Dog is obsessively in love with me and no one else will do as long as he thinks he can get me. (Yes, I know, except for maybe Cameron.)

The night before Sunday (described in the previous post) when I was out with the kids, my husband, Jeff, tried to lure Dog up on the couch to snuggle and watch a movie. No dice. Jeff even admitted to placing a piece of cheese on the couch, but Dog could not be distracted from his post at the front door window, waiting and hoping, patiently for my return. Let’s make this clear—Dog was refusing CHEESE to instead hungrily pine away for me in his lonely vigil. That’s got to be a dog’s definition of Loving Too Much.

Which brings us to the philosophical discussion of Love and exactly What Love Is.

People are always talking about how their dogs give them unconditional love. Is that really true? In one sense, Yes, it is.

A dog will love you in spite of (or maybe even because of) all the flaws that would make well-adjusted humans recoil in disgust. Haven’t had a shower in a week? You are even more attractive to Dog! The combo of sweaty armpits and dirty socks is the Chanel Number 5 of a dog’s world. Like to lie around on the couch and eat junk all day? So does Dog! Being fat, lazy, messy—not an issue—maybe even a plus with your dog!

Dog and Me, No Shower, No Makeup, No Problem

But true, unconditional love—not so fast. While Dog genuinely Likes most people and will happily greet them, he reserves his special love for me—the person who feeds, walks, plays and spends time with him.

Who makes a breakfast of microwaved egg yolk and dog food even before she pours her first cup of coffee? Who walks Dog in the rain? Who, if Dog has been left alone for a few hours, walks into the house and throws the squeaky toy even before she takes off her pantyhose?

Me, that’s right. I am the one and only person who puts Dog’s needs above her own pretty much most of the time, which admitting in print, makes me think I am hopelessly weird and unfocused and makes me wonder if I should spend more time jogging or working on my book proposal or organizing my closets.

It’s not an approval or an ego thing. Nobody gives a hoot, or even knows, whether your dog approves of you or not. Instead, it is this undeniable empathy or responsibility or pure goodness or pure guilt or whatever… I believe that the way you treat your dog is a moral compass. Because it’s all about the other being, who can’t complain or gossip about you or withhold sex or money. The dog is just an independent being, a little like Blanche DuBois, dependent on the kindness of strangers.

Back to Obsessive Love--I have the same problem with the rest of my family as I have with Dog. Everybody wants to be with me! If only I could have been so popular in high school! But let’s examine the source of their love…Is it because of my sharp wit and sparkling personality and general fabulosity?

I think not. Most likely, it has more to do with the fact that I Do Absolutely Every Thing For Them from making their sandwiches to calling out words for the Spelling Bee to washing their gym clothes at 9 pm on Sunday night to planning their birthday parties to asking them about their day (and really listening to the answer!)

(And, now that I think of it, if I had been just as self-sacrificing and generous—letting kids copy my homework and engaging more frequently in gratuitous heavy petting, I probably would have been just as popular in high school…)

In essence, I care. I really do. For some weird reason in this very self-obsessed world, in my very own, self-obsessed Universe, I (mostly) care about Dog, my husband, and my kids—more than I care about myself.

Oh, I’ve heard about the oxygen mask analogy and it makes total, rational sense. (Put on your own mask first, then save the others.) But when the plane is going down, it’s going to be your first instinct to put the mask on your kids. You might die in the process, but so be it. The plane is going down—you save your kids first. I would totally do that. It’s not an intellectual decision, but a gut reaction.

Such is the nature of Loving Too Much. Probably not a good thing in general, but it’s what we do and if it’s instinctive and honest and if we go down because of it, so be it. There are worse ways to go.

A Few Words of Wisdom on Love:

"You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person (or dog)" - anonymous quote